Too Young to Say Goodbye

My second post was supposed to be a mildly entertaining anecdote about myself. Unfortunately, life got in the way and changed my schedule.

Friday evening, one of my friends died. She was in a head on collision with an old man who was driving the wrong way in the wrong lane on the highway.

Her twin sister is still alive. They are 21. Only about a month and a half older than myself.

Twenty one is too young to say goodbye. It wasn't even the sort of accident you could explain and validate. She wasn't texting (she didn't even own a cellphone, last I knew), she wasn't drunk, she wasn't speeding. There was a sheriff's car in front of her. He swerved out of the way and avoided the old man. There was a prisoner transport vehicle behind her. That vehicle hit my friend's car from behind.

My friend's name is Katie. Same as me. Her twin sister's name is Kristina. We used to jokingly call ourselves the KKK. It's missing a member now. Kri
stina and I are good friends. Or, we used to be, in high school. Everyone's drifted apart since then, of course. But I was always better friends with Kristina than I was with Katie. I can remember the last time I saw Kristina. But I don't remember the last time I saw Katie. I don't remember the last time I talked to Katie. And now I'm forced to say goodbye to her. I'm not ready.

I can't even imagine what Kristina is going through. It's one thing to lose a sibling. But it was her twin. Her other half. My heart hurts as much for Kristina as it does for Katie. What is it like to be the survivor? How do you deal with that? I know there is such thing as survivor's guilt. But what does it feel like? How do you live through it?

Anyway, this is for you, Katie. You are terribly missed.

November 15, 1990 - January 27, 2012